Little Bug often lives up to this with his therapists. We will tell them that he has problems dressing, biting, and with sharing and yet with them, he is fine. They have said that usually kids go through a honeymoon period with their therapists. As a parent, this is frustrating as all hell because you know that your kid is having a hard time with something and yet when help shows up, not a problem. When they leave, suddenly shoes and socks become an issue and giving a cat a bath would be easier than Little Bug. These are the times that you think things like Why can't he just put on his damn shoes and then instantly feel like a bad parent.
We discussed it with them in depth as we feel like they aren't able to maximize their time with him as he doesn't have the really bad outbursts that he has with us. Their solution was somewhat surprising- tape it and like a football coach, they will go through play by play and tell us how we can improve what we are doing for Little Bug. Not 24 hours after our discussion, we have three tapes- getting socks on, getting boots on, and putting on a coat. I imagine to the neighbors instead of doing those activities, it sounded as though he was being tortured or murdered or both. Nope, just getting dressed folks- nothin' to see- move along.
(Miss Cleo moment- I am seeing a *huge* change in topics and a slight chance of foul language.) Does anyone have a family member- or several- who just don't get it? They don't get why your kid can't just eat dinner or can't just put on their damn shoes or any other thousand examples. This has become a huge problem for Nick and I and his parents. Nick's step dad's family always gets together the weekend before Christmas. Unfortunately, this involves 30+ people in one house. Little Bug has a hard time visiting our friends who have 6 in their family. Neither Nick or I can attend because we both work.
We have tried explaining that new situations are extremely hard for him and that we aren't able to just go do things on a whim. We have to prepare and explain and have pictures in order to talk up a situation in order to minimize the meltdown- notice I didn't say avoid. Of course, since it is the holidays and apparently you must do all the holiday traditions you can think of in the shortest amount of time in order to be a good person, Nick's family has forgotten this and everything we have told them about Lennon.
His mom called and wanted to know if we would let them take him to this party! (excuse me as I roll around on the floor laughing and then wiping the tears from my eyes) NO!- that is the answer. Can you imagine giving your mostly non verbal toddler to people he doesn't see that often knowing that he will be taken to meet over 30 people he has never seen before and be expected to open presents without the two people he depends on most in the world? NO! That would be hard for any child- typical or not.
Now, excuse the hell out of me, but I am so tired of explaining the same damn things over and over again. It reminds me of what my parents used to tell me- The answer hasn't changed since the last time you asked this question, which by the way was 5 minutes ago. If you ask again, the answer will still be the same, but you will be grounded. SON OF A BITCH, this is frustrating.
I put myself in their shoes and I can empathize- they have dreams for what they would experience as grandparents. They would see their grandchildren anytime they wanted and be able to flit off on a whim for any number of fun activities. They would be able to do all the traditions they had when they were little kids and show their grandchildren what was important to them.
Well, you know what, we had dreams too. Dreams that didn't involve therapies 4 times a week and then follow up 7 days a week. They didn't involve picture schedules or having every minute of every day mapped out. They didn't involve sensory issues or regression. They didn't involve staying up at night gripped with fear because you don't know how you will pay for the therapy your kid needs.
But you know what, the old dreams are gone and it is time to make new ones. This happens for all parents regardless of whether your child has special needs or not- you want them to be good at sports and they aren't. You dreamt that they would be a Christian and they decided nope, not for them. We have to move on and adapt. By trying to adapt your children or grandchildren to fit your dreams, you are creating misery for everyone involved.
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