So this post is by no means a suggestion for what you should do for your holidays- just our master plan. For holidays in general, we try to keep it short and sweet. If we go somewhere, 3 hours is the limit as Little Bug quickly gets overstimulated. We have told our family about his ASD and also tried to educate about ways to help him. We also try to teach them signs that are appropriate to the activity while we are there so that they can make a connection. Specific to Christmas, we try to keep the decorations to a minimum. Little Bug loves them, maybe a little too much.
When it comes to presents, we let people know that he's not really interested in the idea of opening things (for himself, those under the tree that aren't supervised are fascinating to him. Last year, I wrapped the same present for Nick 15 times. Little Bug didn't open a single present for himself last year). He just doesn't get it. In our experience with him, he would be happy to carry around the wrapped box without ever opening it to discover what is inside. He tried to do that with one of his birthday presents this year and became upset when we ruined it by opening it. We have told family that we won't force him to open things. They are welcome to open things for him or even have their gifts unwrapped and just there to peak his curiosity.
It sounds silly, but I think we put so much effort and want into making a "perfect" holiday for our kids that sometimes we lose perspective. We forget that the stereotypical family around a tree opening presents in pajamas for an hour isn't a reality for most little kids and usually just not an option for kids with ASD. There is too much going on- lights flickering on the tree, people talking over each other, smells of lunch or dinner cooking, and often times strange places- that causes some kids to just want to escape.
We also try to be flexible and create back up plans. We are going to Grandma and Grandpa's for Christmas and are making sure to have distractions as well as rewards ready. It doesn't have to be complicated- we are bringing Signing Time, the stroller- to go on MOOO walks, and a few reward toys to help Little Bug deal with changes.
We also try to be flexible about the demands we put on him. While we know his therapy and at home follow up is important, so is perspective. One day of not working on certain things will not derail everything and may be needed. Imagine being so overwhelmed you need to bite yourself, hit your head on the floor and scream. Then imagine being told that you need to look people in the eye and try to talk. You can't and because you are independent you would shelter yourself from it by leaving or telling people no or simply shutting down. We do those things for him.
I look at our dreams and expectations and will be honest- this wasn't it. But, it is so much better than I imagined because he has a voice and place and is respected and we are learning more about him and each other every day. Our holidays may never be typical and we may never see him do other things that other people can do. We may always have to have game plans and escape routes and alternate endings. I realize that I have to be okay with this as I cannot control it or change it. I realize that I have been given a gift- our son.
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