Little Bug is definitely a creature of habit and has developed routines for everything. We may not have been informed about them and we may have even helped create them without realizing. The thing is, we now are bumping into routines that we didn't realize we had. Little Bug has been wearing his Lightening McQueen jacket a lot. Today, when they needed to take me to work, Nick tried to put on Little Bug's winter jacket. OH MY GOODNESS- the ear piercing screams! I was outside getting the car started and could hear him. Holy S*** batman, its 3:40 AM which means it is officially TOO EARLY FOR THIS. So of course, Little Bug got to wear his Lightening McQueen jacket- which is basically a glorified long sleeve T Shirt with a zipper. We are not talking winter weather protection here folks. I am all about working to help Little Bug become more accepting of change, but not so early in the morning with screams that wake the dead and may very well get us evicted or have the cops called. No joke, it sounded like someone was being murdered this morning.
We have also noticed that *everything* has become scripted by Little Bug. Maybe we are fools, but I feel like this happened so subtly that we didn't realize. Dumb parents. Anyway, he has to eat his food in a certain order- meat, then veggie, then starch (that is if he eats all three things and if he eats at all). He must play in the same pattern every day- swinging with parents, then floor time, then eat, then bath, then jumping, then getting dressed, then jumping, then cars, then swinging, then sharks, then jumping, then bed. I am certain that we have helped to create this rigidity, but I also believe that this is something he clings to as a way to help him deal with the sensory input and to have a sense of control when so much must feel out of sync or control to him.
It seems like we have been so focused on the more apparent things- self injuring and speech delays- that we didn't notice the little things. We are going to have to bring this up with his therapists and develop a plan as it is becoming a huge issue. If we need to go to school in a different direction due to construction, Little Bug gets incredibly upset and starts yelling and gesturing in the direction we could have gone. Any slight variation in routine that is not in his control is becoming a major deal for him.
There are days when I wonder how much has changed about him versus how little did we notice or understand before. I don't know how to say this quite right, but he has always been prone to "meltdowns" or "fits" for unknown reasons. From day one, we have always scratched our heads and been unable to explain the endless crying, the hours of screaming. At first we wrote it off as just a baby thing. Then it lasted longer. Then he was 18 months and still having the same kind of meltdowns he did before for just as long. Then he was 2 and no changes. Now we are coming up on 2.5 and still no changes. He still wakes up during the night. He still has "meltdowns" for no apparent reason that he can't soothe himself out of and we can't help. It makes me shake my head because I wish we would have seen. I imagine many parents of special needs kids are bitten by regret every once in a while. I think its better to shake the damn thing off and keep moving forward, as looking backwards is so easy and painful.
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