Pain, or lack there of

One the most troubling things about Little Bug's ASD is his response to pain- or lack there of. He doesn't react to major pain. When he was 10 months old, he had a face lift procedure done on the left side of his face because he was born with a lymphatic malformation. Basically, the procedure involved lifting off the left side of his face and removing the cystic portions of the tumor. There were fibrous portions that ran through the muscles and nerves that ran down the left side of his face. Now, most children would have been quite lethargic and in pain after this procedure. Not Little Bug, when we were told he was awake, we were expecting to find him laying down in the crib barely awake and probably in pain. What we found was Little Bug jumping up and down inside the crib. The nurse looked at us and said, "I have never seen anything like this ever."

While the above seems like an extreme example, it is pretty typical for Little Bug. We took him to the beach a lot during the summer and while he wore sandals, it was not uncommon to find pieces of shells or glass in his feet later after the beach. It just didn't hurt him so we wouldn't know.

Little Bug often has bruises and cuts and scratches that can't be explained- because we don't see what happened and he doesn't tell us anything has happened. Last night was one more example. While I getting the table set and the food out for dinner, Little Bug played for 5 minutes max by himself in the living room, which for a typical 2 year old is not an unrealistic expectation or freedom. At dinner, I noticed that his pinkie finger was swollen to double the normal size and bruised. I have no explanation for this. I don't know what he could have done- we keep the doors locked and baby proofed, he doesn't have access to anything that can open and close on little fingers- like drawers, cabinets, etc.- as they are all looked up.

This breaks my heart. It makes me feel like a bad parent. But, most of all, it scares me. It scares me because Little Bug could have something serious going on with him and we would never know. That is why we co sleep with him. He used to get fevers of 104 when he was a newborn, but wouldn't cry or alert us to the fact that there was something wrong. We talked to the doctor, and she said that maybe they didn't bother him, but we needed to be mindful because he could have seizures. So he came into our bed.

It takes all my will power not to helicopter parent. We have to let him begin to become independent, but at what cost. I'm not talking about sleeping on his own or going to sleep over somewhere. I am talking about giving him small blocks of space and time- like 3 to 5 minutes- to play by himself. It is becoming increasingly hard to do.