Little Bug goes to a special education program for 3 to 4 year olds that includes peer models. The peer models are usually chosen by the teacher based on their ability to fit into the program and the classroom dynamics. In Little Bug’s class, there is a peer model causing some trouble. This boy is incredibly assertive and Little Bug can’t let things go when someone does something to upset him. They have been in two fights- actual rolling across the playground and class room fights. Little Bug has come home with marks on him from these fights. The teacher insists that Little Bug isn’t starting this and is defending himself.
We are trying to work on this with Little Bug. We talk about how people can have accidents and how we should respond. We also talk about how we can use words in order to get help. Recently, Little Bug has been in quite a mood whenever he gets home from school. With him, it is incredibly difficult to get information in a linear fashion. He still can’t consistently answer who, what, and where questions. Often times, he comes home to tell us that he hurt someone at school. We have called the school and they have confirmed that while there have been altercations; Little Bug is merely defending himself.
Yesterday, we finally got some information from him. He looked at Nick and said, “You aren’t my friend- you weird!” A light bulb went off. After asking him why he said that, he told us that a certain peer model calls him weird and that Little Bug isn’t his friend because he is weird. Apparently, this peer model also says this to a couple of non verbal children in Little Bug’s class. Little Bug talked about how sad and mad this made him. How when this peer model says this, he hits him. (Thank goodness for honesty so we can address this). Little Bug says he doesn’t like school when this peer model is there.
On one side, this seems pretty normal for kids. Kids learn from these altercations and children this age have horrible impulse control. At the same time, this sounds targeted to the just a few children in Little Bug’s class. I am unsure whether I am over reacting and how far to stick my nose in. What kills me is that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore of Wednesday and Thursday. He *loves* school- to the point of being hysterical on Sunday morning because it isn’t Monday yet. This child has taken that away from him and made him feel anxious and unwanted repeatedly. What is the right way to handle this?
6 comments:
I'm wondering why the teachers are tolerating this sort of thing. Hallie goes to a typical preschool that is explicitly inclusive (it's part of their mission statement) and the teachers there tolerate no bullying, no cliquishness, etc. When they see stuff like this happening, they work with the kids to work through things, and if that is not possible, they call in the parents of the kid(s) who is/are the issue, and if things still don't improve, they will actually boot the child who is being a problem. I know things might be different in a non-private situation, but what kind of modeling is this 'peer model' so-called really providing here? The kid is learning it from somewhere, no doubt, but that's another story.
Anyway, can you talk to Little Bug's teachers (call your own parent-teacher conference, I guess) to hear what they have to say and to let them know what L.B. told you is happening? And then brainstorm with them on how to handle this.
I think it's awful that this kid is spoiling L.B.'s school experience and worry that this is the sort of thing that makes a lasting impact. I know all too well that bullying, despite all the rhetoric of anti-bullying and not tolerating bullying that school districts throw around, is probably in Hallie's future, too, but I am at least reasonably secure right now in thinking that she will at least be okay in preschool.
Good luck with this; my heart goes out to all of you.
I agree with abby. If he's doing this to Bug, how many others is he hurting? The teacher needs to talk to the parents of this child and if it doesn't stop, have the child removed from the class. Maybe the parent needs to be in the class observing and see this happen as well to control her child.
Thank you guys. My first reaction was that this was bullying, but I wanted a sounding board to see if I am off base about this.
No Blake, your instincts were correct! It is bullying, plain and simple!
That is one smart Grandma. And I agree: your parenting instincts are right on target (you are, after all, a very good parent).
What they said. :)
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