Serious Accusations

Before I get to the meat and potatoes of this post, I wanted to share how well Little Bug did this weekend. We went to the zoo on Sunday and it was amazing. He walked the whole way. He normally has to be carried or put in the stroller in public because he is a runner- loud noises, strange smells, quick events happen and he runs away, regardless of what danger he may be running to. Not on Sunday. He walked the entire zoo. He asked to see specific exhibits- efents (elephants), sharkkks, and whales.

We then went out to dinner- stupidly not realizing that on Super Bowl Sunday it would be insanely loud. He did a great job in self soothing. He would cover his ears and lean to me, but didn’t scream and get hysterical. Finally, he had had enough and he and I went outside while Nick paid. I sang the wheels on the bus and shake your sillies out songs for him and he was able to focus and do the motions with all of the commotion from the inside spilling out.

Yesterday during his Autism one on one therapy, we went shopping. We took him to Target to show his therapist the things he had difficulty with. This, of course, meant he didn’t have difficulty with those things. He normally will not hold Nick’s hand or let him push the cart when I am around. Also, putting Little Bug into the cart is more difficult than giving a cat a bath- I know, I have done both and it is officially easier to bath a 15 pound cat with claws than it is to put my toddler in a shopping cart.

Again, he walked through the store. He only refused to hold hands a few times. He had one meltdown about holding hands with Nick. It was by far the best shopping trip we have ever had. We are going to be sad to lose our Therapist A. She brings out things in Little Bug and ourselves that we didn’t know were there. We will be losing her in July when Little Bug turns three and is too old for early intervention services.

Now, to the meat and potatoes- some really serious accusations were made about me and Nick this weekend. It was outright stated that there was nothing wrong with Little Bug and that he is fine. It was inferred that we are causing these problems. It was stated that what we go through isn’t a big deal- all parents have to pay copays and get things for their kids and all kids have trouble with certain things. That our insurance is inadequate if it doesn’t cover Autism- which clearly isn’t something Little Bug has.

I have to say that we are deeply hurt and flabbergasted. It is astonishing what people will say without thinking or walking a mile in someone’s shoes. This came from a person who has no understanding of ASD. They have no understanding that we turned our lives upside down- Nick cut back his work hours, I have put any thought of career trajectory on hold and our money was rerouted from our previous goals- savings, vacations, 401ks- to what Little Bug needs- in August of last year.

This came from a person who has no idea what it is like to watch their child beat their face on the floor or bite the skin of their fingers for a reason unknown because your child at 2 has 10 words. This came from a person who has no idea how many times we have been told that we are bad parents in public. A person who has no idea how many times we have been told that we don’t qualify for this or that and then are left with a bill that is difficult to pay but we do because Little Bug needs it. This comes from a person whose child’s basic needs are love, food, clothing and shelter- nothing in there about therapy, lifelong support, or therapy tools- like a netted swing ($200), a white noise machine, Ps and Qs and chewie tubes, picture schedules, transition boards, Task analysis boards, litany of sensory activities, Signing Time and assorted other ASL supplements, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. A person who has no idea what it is to not know whether your child will ever be independent or potty trained or what their full potential is. A person who doesn’t lay awake at night willing themselves to never die so that they can always be there to advocate and support their child.

Shame on you for judging what you know nothing about. Shame on you for lying. Shame on you for making an accusation that if heard by the wrong people could cause serious problems for our family.

People, seriously- take the time to think before you open your mouth. Think about that strange person in the hallway or that “brat” at the grocery store whose parents seem way too permissive. If that isn’t enough, think about the hard times in your life. Think about the time when you were perceived as rude but were distracted by something, which to you was life altering and yet the world still turned on it’s axis. Think of all the times people were incredibly hard on you and “just didn’t get it”. Think about how you would feel living under a magnifying glass.

If none of this is enough, then SHUT THE HELL UP AND MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!