Strength in adversity

I need to get something off my chest.  This doesn’t have much to do with Autism.  Instead, it has everything to do with strength in adversity.  (Please note there is one instance of an F-bomb.  Justified I think in this case.)

This is something that autistic children demonstrate every day- whether it attempting to say a new word, motor plan getting dressed, or dealing with judgment from their peers.   Little Bug has certainly had his share and is developing ways to do with it.   Another kind of adversity that Little Bug has to deal with is discrimination. You see, and you should know if you have been following along, Little Bug has two dads- Daddy Nick and Daddy Blake (that’s me!).  Daddy Nick was born male but I wasn’t- I’m transgendered.   This has been something that we are honest with the world about- especially with Little Bug.  We thought that the people in our lives didn’t care.  Apparently we were wrong.

This weekend we had some family over and one of Little Bug’s cousins took it upon themselves to yell at Little Bug about me- that I wasn’t his dad and that because I had boobs I couldn’t be his dad.  This child told my son that I was Little Bug’s mom.  Little Bug simply stood his ground and repeated “He is my dad and I love him.”   I was able to intervene but it has been really upsetting (HA! Fucking understatement) to us all.  See this isn’t the first run in about my gender with this child.  At first, we figured that it was a normal curiosity from children.  It now just seems like anger coming from another source.  Given the persistence, I don’t believe that this is coming from tis child.  I am sure that this is coming from his parent(s).

Why does this matter?  In this day and age, isn’t any child lucky to have an involved parent let alone two involved parents?   Do the genitalia of the parents really matter?  If you have read this blog or known Nick and I, you know that we have worked and sweated and cried to help Little Bug reach his highest potential- whatever that may be.

What is surprising is that 8 years later, people in our family still have a problem with this.  People still call me she or Little Bug’s mom.  Why?  What is the hold up?  It is honestly astonishing to me.  I can understand any challenges in the first few months, but years later?  It honestly hurts.  It hurts because I expected these people to at least respect us.  Notice I didn’t say “accept”, “agree with”, “understand”, “empathize”, or “love”- just respect.  Respect- something that each and every person deserves and should demand.  I don’t have to agree with you or your choices, but I do have to respect them.  This should be afforded to you whether it is your sexuality, gender identity, religious beliefs, or the way you choose to treat your child’s autism.