One of the scariest things that we experience with Little Bug is a lack of understanding about safety issues. For example, if you blink, he will turn the hot water all the way up in the bathtub and sit under the faucet- never mind the fact that the water is hot enough to cause burns. Cooking is starting to take two people because he doesn’t seem to understand that the stove and oven are hot. He will try to put his hand on the burner because it is red or put is on the front of the oven because “It’s so warm.” Unfortunately, by so warm, it is actually 400 degrees.
He also has begun to actively try to get out of the house. Mind you, we have three locks and a reverse hinge, but he has figured them out. We are now alarming the doors because he can and will get out. At his parent teacher conference yesterday, we found out that when the other students are getting off the bus, he will attempt to run- to the street, to the school, anywhere. Just running.
We don’t know how to get through to him. I can’t convey how agonizing and heart wrenching this is. To know that despite your best attempts, your child doesn’t understand safety boundaries and could be seriously injured or worse. Worse is something I shudder to imagine.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
ASD update
We took Little Bug for his annual review with the Wizard and as per usual, it wasn’t what we expected. The last time we went to see the wizard, all we got was a lecture about our sleeping arrangements (co-sleeping) and not to even consider potty training him until he was 4 or 5.
This time, the wizard told us that we were doing the right thing with the co-sleeping. He also felt that we were right to allow Little Bug to potty train in his own way, however was concerned about Little Bug’s bowel movements.
The wizard seemed less positive on things. Last time, the wizard gave us hope that things were going well and we were doing right. This time, the wizard gave us concerns, worries, and fear.
Going to see the wizard isn’t ever what you expect it to be or what others tell you it will be. Seeing our wizard is usually a mix between frustration and humor. The wizard wanted to evaluate Little Bug’s cognitive skills as we had told him that Little Bug could count beyond 20, count a group of objects without counting aloud, knew his colors, alphabet, and could spell his name.
Of course, none of these things happened with the wizard. When asked to name colors, he named shapes. When asked to count, he refused. When asked how to spell his name, he said, “I no know- too hard!”
Nick and I could only laugh. Once again, we look like pathological liars. We joke that Little Bug is hell bent on having therapy until he is 30. The SLP at his school and everyone who knows Little Bug has seen his language grow to a consistent 5 words (at least) per sentence and now includes self correcting. When he goes to speech, he will only give one word answers- even about his beloved sharks.
This time, the wizard told us that we were doing the right thing with the co-sleeping. He also felt that we were right to allow Little Bug to potty train in his own way, however was concerned about Little Bug’s bowel movements.
The wizard seemed less positive on things. Last time, the wizard gave us hope that things were going well and we were doing right. This time, the wizard gave us concerns, worries, and fear.
Going to see the wizard isn’t ever what you expect it to be or what others tell you it will be. Seeing our wizard is usually a mix between frustration and humor. The wizard wanted to evaluate Little Bug’s cognitive skills as we had told him that Little Bug could count beyond 20, count a group of objects without counting aloud, knew his colors, alphabet, and could spell his name.
Of course, none of these things happened with the wizard. When asked to name colors, he named shapes. When asked to count, he refused. When asked how to spell his name, he said, “I no know- too hard!”
Nick and I could only laugh. Once again, we look like pathological liars. We joke that Little Bug is hell bent on having therapy until he is 30. The SLP at his school and everyone who knows Little Bug has seen his language grow to a consistent 5 words (at least) per sentence and now includes self correcting. When he goes to speech, he will only give one word answers- even about his beloved sharks.
Potty Training Update
It looks like we are going to be changing diapers for a considerable time longer. We took Little Bug to his ASD specialist (a separate update in itself) and The Wizard is concerned that the reason Little Bug isn’t acknowledging that he has gone poop or has to go, is because he is blocked up with poop. There is a special name for this condition, but basically it means the child goes back and forth from constipation to diarrhea, however they are never fully emptying their bowels.
Nick and I was obviously overwhelmed when the doctor began to talk about the surgery that could fix this problem and what tests- x-rays and ultra sounds- would be needed. We were also concerned when the wizard told us that a cause of this could be lack of nutrition. We could only shake our heads along with the wizard when he said that unfortunately a nutritionist would be involved.
Nothing personal against nutritionist, however when you have a child with restrictive requirements about food, nutrition is the tip of the ice berg. Simply eating some days are a battlefield. While Little Bug has gotten more flexible in many ways, food isn’t one of them. He now will only eat plain chicken- there can’t be salt, pepper, or discoloration or grill lines from cooking. If there is any of the above, he will take the time to pick of the marks with grill lines or will rub the chicken on his pants to get the seasoning off. He refuses milk at this point- including chocolate milk. He only wants juice or water. He has begun to become a carb junky- whole wheat, raw pasta, and handfuls of just plain flour are the items he seeks. We have to lock up our flour as he has been sneaking it. Behaviors like these don’t leave much room for nutrition. A good eating day at our house is when he doesn’t find a way to get to the flour while Nick or I are going to the bathroom and he has eaten something other than chicken. At this point, getting 1 serving of fruits or vegetables (that isn’t plain lettuce) is a miracle
Nick and I was obviously overwhelmed when the doctor began to talk about the surgery that could fix this problem and what tests- x-rays and ultra sounds- would be needed. We were also concerned when the wizard told us that a cause of this could be lack of nutrition. We could only shake our heads along with the wizard when he said that unfortunately a nutritionist would be involved.
Nothing personal against nutritionist, however when you have a child with restrictive requirements about food, nutrition is the tip of the ice berg. Simply eating some days are a battlefield. While Little Bug has gotten more flexible in many ways, food isn’t one of them. He now will only eat plain chicken- there can’t be salt, pepper, or discoloration or grill lines from cooking. If there is any of the above, he will take the time to pick of the marks with grill lines or will rub the chicken on his pants to get the seasoning off. He refuses milk at this point- including chocolate milk. He only wants juice or water. He has begun to become a carb junky- whole wheat, raw pasta, and handfuls of just plain flour are the items he seeks. We have to lock up our flour as he has been sneaking it. Behaviors like these don’t leave much room for nutrition. A good eating day at our house is when he doesn’t find a way to get to the flour while Nick or I are going to the bathroom and he has eaten something other than chicken. At this point, getting 1 serving of fruits or vegetables (that isn’t plain lettuce) is a miracle
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
“I mean it”, says Little Bug
Yesterday we went to Ikea and I had to change Little Bug’s diaper. On the way to the bathrooms, there is a play land. At this play land, there are no parents allowed and no diapers. Little Bug kicks up dust every time we go as he desperately wants to play at the play land. I took him to the sign and explained that you have to be all done diapers to play.
He looked at me and said, “I am all done diapers.”
I explained that if he was ready, we can try again when we get to home. We can put on his “pants” (underwear) and he can work on telling us that he needs to go to the potty.
He crossed his arms and said, “No- I am all done diapers.”
When we got home, he looked at the picture of the play land in the catalog. He took off his diaper and put on training pants.
Needless to say, we are going to be doing a ton of laundry- we couldn’t be happier and prouder to do it. He is working so hard. He often pees in his pants and then we walk him to the potty and have him sit on it while we wipe him up and get fresh pants. Nine times out of ten, he pees on the potty as well.
He looked at me and said, “I am all done diapers.”
I explained that if he was ready, we can try again when we get to home. We can put on his “pants” (underwear) and he can work on telling us that he needs to go to the potty.
He crossed his arms and said, “No- I am all done diapers.”
When we got home, he looked at the picture of the play land in the catalog. He took off his diaper and put on training pants.
Needless to say, we are going to be doing a ton of laundry- we couldn’t be happier and prouder to do it. He is working so hard. He often pees in his pants and then we walk him to the potty and have him sit on it while we wipe him up and get fresh pants. Nine times out of ten, he pees on the potty as well.
School Update
Well, we met with Little Bug’s teacher. I was surprised at the conference that she defended the particular peer that Little Bug is reporting problems with. She did agree that this child is assertive and does cause a lot of fights. When we questioned why this child was a peer model, she explained that the child has excellent language skills and was useful in a language preschool. The child does struggle with social skills and this is something that they have explained to the child’s parents and are working on at school.
To be honest, Nick and I were disappointed because we felt like our concerns were a bit minimized. The teacher said not to worry so much because socialization is lifelong thing. She also said that it is probably a good thing that Little Bug acts up only at home- at least he is behaved at school.
Nick and I take his difficult behaviors- crying, whining, screaming, biting, kicking, and arguing- as communication. He is obviously having a hard time with something on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursdays and this is his way of communicating the difficulties.
We received a call on Friday. The reason the teacher was defensive is that Little Bug is blaming the wrong child. The teacher didn’t teach class and only observed on Thursday. What she found, was that Little Bug doesn’t like the child that he blames for the bullying and they constantly fight- however, they equally start it and finish it. The child who is actually bullying Little Bug- calling him stupid and dumb, as well as physically hurting him- is a child Little Bug calls his friend and wants to come to our house.
Now, instead of one set of problems we have three:
1. Decreasing the aggressive instances with the child he doesn’t like
2. Working on defensive phrases and teaching him to get help when he is bullied
3. Our child idolizes the child who calls him stupid and dumb. The kid who tells him because he is stupid and dumb, they can't be friends.
What do you do when your child loves their bully? When they have only nice things to say about the bully.
To be honest, Nick and I were disappointed because we felt like our concerns were a bit minimized. The teacher said not to worry so much because socialization is lifelong thing. She also said that it is probably a good thing that Little Bug acts up only at home- at least he is behaved at school.
Nick and I take his difficult behaviors- crying, whining, screaming, biting, kicking, and arguing- as communication. He is obviously having a hard time with something on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursdays and this is his way of communicating the difficulties.
We received a call on Friday. The reason the teacher was defensive is that Little Bug is blaming the wrong child. The teacher didn’t teach class and only observed on Thursday. What she found, was that Little Bug doesn’t like the child that he blames for the bullying and they constantly fight- however, they equally start it and finish it. The child who is actually bullying Little Bug- calling him stupid and dumb, as well as physically hurting him- is a child Little Bug calls his friend and wants to come to our house.
Now, instead of one set of problems we have three:
1. Decreasing the aggressive instances with the child he doesn’t like
2. Working on defensive phrases and teaching him to get help when he is bullied
3. Our child idolizes the child who calls him stupid and dumb. The kid who tells him because he is stupid and dumb, they can't be friends.
What do you do when your child loves their bully? When they have only nice things to say about the bully.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Not sure what to call this
Little Bug goes to a special education program for 3 to 4 year olds that includes peer models. The peer models are usually chosen by the teacher based on their ability to fit into the program and the classroom dynamics. In Little Bug’s class, there is a peer model causing some trouble. This boy is incredibly assertive and Little Bug can’t let things go when someone does something to upset him. They have been in two fights- actual rolling across the playground and class room fights. Little Bug has come home with marks on him from these fights. The teacher insists that Little Bug isn’t starting this and is defending himself.
We are trying to work on this with Little Bug. We talk about how people can have accidents and how we should respond. We also talk about how we can use words in order to get help. Recently, Little Bug has been in quite a mood whenever he gets home from school. With him, it is incredibly difficult to get information in a linear fashion. He still can’t consistently answer who, what, and where questions. Often times, he comes home to tell us that he hurt someone at school. We have called the school and they have confirmed that while there have been altercations; Little Bug is merely defending himself.
Yesterday, we finally got some information from him. He looked at Nick and said, “You aren’t my friend- you weird!” A light bulb went off. After asking him why he said that, he told us that a certain peer model calls him weird and that Little Bug isn’t his friend because he is weird. Apparently, this peer model also says this to a couple of non verbal children in Little Bug’s class. Little Bug talked about how sad and mad this made him. How when this peer model says this, he hits him. (Thank goodness for honesty so we can address this). Little Bug says he doesn’t like school when this peer model is there.
On one side, this seems pretty normal for kids. Kids learn from these altercations and children this age have horrible impulse control. At the same time, this sounds targeted to the just a few children in Little Bug’s class. I am unsure whether I am over reacting and how far to stick my nose in. What kills me is that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore of Wednesday and Thursday. He *loves* school- to the point of being hysterical on Sunday morning because it isn’t Monday yet. This child has taken that away from him and made him feel anxious and unwanted repeatedly. What is the right way to handle this?
We are trying to work on this with Little Bug. We talk about how people can have accidents and how we should respond. We also talk about how we can use words in order to get help. Recently, Little Bug has been in quite a mood whenever he gets home from school. With him, it is incredibly difficult to get information in a linear fashion. He still can’t consistently answer who, what, and where questions. Often times, he comes home to tell us that he hurt someone at school. We have called the school and they have confirmed that while there have been altercations; Little Bug is merely defending himself.
Yesterday, we finally got some information from him. He looked at Nick and said, “You aren’t my friend- you weird!” A light bulb went off. After asking him why he said that, he told us that a certain peer model calls him weird and that Little Bug isn’t his friend because he is weird. Apparently, this peer model also says this to a couple of non verbal children in Little Bug’s class. Little Bug talked about how sad and mad this made him. How when this peer model says this, he hits him. (Thank goodness for honesty so we can address this). Little Bug says he doesn’t like school when this peer model is there.
On one side, this seems pretty normal for kids. Kids learn from these altercations and children this age have horrible impulse control. At the same time, this sounds targeted to the just a few children in Little Bug’s class. I am unsure whether I am over reacting and how far to stick my nose in. What kills me is that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore of Wednesday and Thursday. He *loves* school- to the point of being hysterical on Sunday morning because it isn’t Monday yet. This child has taken that away from him and made him feel anxious and unwanted repeatedly. What is the right way to handle this?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Lennon John
Little Bug’s name comes from one of my personal heroes- John Lennon. The Beatles and John Lennon specifically have also resonated with me. When I was little, the happy memories I have center around their music- dancing in the kitchen with my mom or standing on my dad’s feet to dance. Theirs were the songs of my childhood. I identify with John Lennon. I understand his family life in a deeply personal way. I love his message of hope and challenging the status quo.
From the time Little Bug was a tiny bug, the Beatles and their solo projects have been a good send. When he wouldn’t sleep, we would turn up Blackbird loud enough to wake the dead and Little Bug would be still and listen- not sleep, but listen. When Little Bug has a hard time with transitions and new places, I sing “Blackbird” and “All You Need is Love” to him. He has discovered “Here comes the Sun”, “Yellow Submarine”, and “Octopus’s Garden”.
In the course of rearranging some furniture, I found a print of John Lennon in the house. I sat with Little Bug and explained that this is where he got his name from. Little Bug took the picture and said, “That’s Lennon John! He mucusinging blackbird!”
Little Bug decided that the print needed to be hung in his room. I grabbed the tape and went to his room to find his eyeballing for a special place for Lennon John. Finally, Little Bug decided above the head of his bed.
I found him in his room yesterday singing “Here Comes the Sun”, laying on his bed and looking at the picture. When I asked him what he was doing, he said, “just watching. I like Lennon John.” All I could do was smile and say that I do too.
From the time Little Bug was a tiny bug, the Beatles and their solo projects have been a good send. When he wouldn’t sleep, we would turn up Blackbird loud enough to wake the dead and Little Bug would be still and listen- not sleep, but listen. When Little Bug has a hard time with transitions and new places, I sing “Blackbird” and “All You Need is Love” to him. He has discovered “Here comes the Sun”, “Yellow Submarine”, and “Octopus’s Garden”.
In the course of rearranging some furniture, I found a print of John Lennon in the house. I sat with Little Bug and explained that this is where he got his name from. Little Bug took the picture and said, “That’s Lennon John! He mucusinging blackbird!”
Little Bug decided that the print needed to be hung in his room. I grabbed the tape and went to his room to find his eyeballing for a special place for Lennon John. Finally, Little Bug decided above the head of his bed.
I found him in his room yesterday singing “Here Comes the Sun”, laying on his bed and looking at the picture. When I asked him what he was doing, he said, “just watching. I like Lennon John.” All I could do was smile and say that I do too.
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