Now that's what I call a Christmas miracle!

There are times in your life when you are knocked flat because you get to witness something truly amazing.  Something that you never dreamed or dared hope would happen.  We have been blessed with a child with Autism and because of him, we are often blessed with miracles. Small miracles that may not change the world for everyone, but they change ours forever.

Little Bug goes to a K-1 Autism program at our local elementary school for the performing arts.  From the name, I am sure that you have gathered that there is a huge emphasis on the arts.  For holiday season, each age group/ grade puts on a presentation.  Little Bug's class joined a regular kindergarten and regular first grade class to perform.

He has been so nervous about this all week that he has dark little circles under his eyes and an upset stomach.  Tears and meltdowns have come at a drop of the hat.   This morning started with tears and worries- because today was the day.  Little Bug woke up "fweakin out because of the people".  We got him dressed in his school clothes and let him zone to help him calm down.

Nick and I went to the school for the performance.  The auditorium was absolutely filled with parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles. Not a single child was in sight.  The noise from the families was enough to  make my ears hurt.  Suddenly everyone drew quite as the children started to file in.  Little Bug's class wore dressy vests and fancy shirts.  Some of the other classes had reindeer antlers and snowflakes.

Little Bug stood and looked at us without smiling. He chewed his lip and wrung his hands.  You could almost seem him vibrating with nervous energy.  Suddenly a Kwanza song bombed throughout the auditorium.  Little Bug's face lit up and he began to sing.

He sang and danced to 6 songs.  He did this in an auditorium filled with about 60 to 75 people and a big stereo.  He did this even though after every song people clapped and cheered.  He smiled.  He laughed.  He didn't cry and he didn't cover his ears.

He was amazing.  This is our Christmas miracle. 

Difficult conversations

The challenges at holidays have not gotten any better for Little Bug.  A majority of our time at family gatherings is spent with one person either on a walk, in a quiet spot- an upstairs bedroom, an attic, or one time a garage- with Little Bug while the other person attempts to enjoy the family function.  Unfortunately, no one *really* gets a chance to enjoy our time.  After 5 years of attempting this, we have had to draw the line and have some difficult conversations.

Some have gone really well- totally understanding with alternate solutions like a post-Thanksgiving leftover fest. Others…. Not so much.  For some reason, this is taken as an insinuation that we hate our family or don’t have the time for them.  It seems like as Little Bug ages people expect him to somehow grow out his Autism.  That at the age of 5, large gatherings would get better. That at the age of 5, loud noises and complicated would be welcomed.

I understand that, at times, people who aren’t around Little Bug forget that he has Autism.  That only lasts a little while until the verbal stimming, echolalia, and repetitive motions are noticed.  It seems that as Little Bug gets older the expectations grow with his age but not in as appropriate for his abilities in areas like communication, patience, etc.  We simply had to make a good decision for our family.  This is something we are working on and it is very difficult to do. It is a times to challenge to advocate for yourself.  As part of our 18 month journey, we have had to really focus on doing this. On accepting things are they are and creating realistic expectations. 

'Tis the season

Ahhh, the smell of pine trees, the gentle lights from the Chrismas tree, and the sound of meltdowns.  Yep, it is the  "Holiday Season" (this should be read in that booming voice used for car commercials and wrestling announcements.).   It kicked off with Christmas Part 1- aka Thanksgiving.

We went to our grandparents with hope of more success this year.   Unfortuantely, large gatherings- which means more than 5 to 10 people- is still overwhelming for Little Bug.   In those times when Lennon is crying and needs to be by himself while the rest of the family is having Thanksgiving, it is hard to be hopeful and remember our blessings.

Little Bug acted out a bit, had a couple of meltdowns, and needed to spend a good amount of time upstairs with Nick or I.  As he puts it, "I'm fweaking out because of people.  It feels bad in my head and tummy."   We have found that although we can bring distractions and remember our tools, Little Bug still needs to be distanced from the events.  Although he wants to be alone, he doesn't mean alone.  What he means is that he wants you in the room, but not to talk to him.  He needs the comfort of you being there without any more sensory input.

We are thankful.  We are thankful that he now can identify when he is having a hard time.  We are thankful that he can tell us what is challenging for him.  We are thankful that we can look at this and help him.

Lastly, we are thankful that we can make different decisions for the next year; that our family will understand and support us.

Growing Pains

Little Bug keeps advancing in sudden and surprising ways. Some are mundane and others are extraordinary. I wanted to share with you all the exciting things that have happened on our vacation. (By the way, sorry for the delay in posts- Christmas time is crazy personally and professionally.)


• A big boy car seat- yep you read that right. The booster seat kind that he only buckles into. In general, this is the more worrisome to Nick and I as he can get out of it and likes to talk about the “red button” (the seat belt release) every time we’re in the car. We are looking for a cover for it so that he doesn’t escape.

• Pretend play- as in self directed lengthy pretend play. He will set up his trains and have them pretend to go places- the garden, school, and Target. They talk to each other, fight, and play. He describes their emotions- cross, happy, excited, and sad. He will play independently for upwards of half an hour in his imaginary world.

• Big boy bed. He has chosen to sleep in it by himself. While he still makes trips back to our bed, he is pretty good about going to sleep in it and staying there. I am sure the reward goal of a Thomas Blanket has helped him stay motivated.

• A normal childhood fear. Rather than a sensory based fear that is mind boggling, he has become afraid of the dark. While this may seem strange to rejoice in, it is nice to have a straight forward problem that tons of kids (and some adults too) deal with.

• Choosing the play place over his parents. At a local grocery store, they have a play place where the children can be watched while the parents grocery shop. The one caveat is that parents aren’t welcome. He has always wanted to go, but never without us. Finally, one day, he decided that he could do it. He stayed in there for 45 minutes and Nick and I waited for the page of doom. They take your information and page you should your child become out of hand or stink. We didn’t receive a page.

• Last but not least, peeing standing up. He has decided that this is the way to do it. He will not sit on the potty ring anymore- for babies is what he says. Granted, he hasn’t successfully peed this way in the bathroom. He has however peed this way in the bedroom and the kitchen. He also has provided us with a ton of laughter. When he first tried to do it, he stood in front of the toilet and frowned. He looked at me and said, “It’s not working!” Trying to keep a straight face, I explained that he didn’t have to pee. He felt that I was incorrect and took to tapping it- like you would to see if a microphone works- and yelled at it, “WORK! WORK!” I haven’t laughed so hard in my whole life.

This vacation was amazing because it was the first time that he was able to understand the holiday. To me, Christmas is about kids. I know that a lot of people celebrate it for religious reasons, but I personally celebrate it for family and most especially the kids.

Little Bug had a blast. He would open each present and say something nice about it and then say thank you to whomever gave it to him. He wasn’t the greedy hoarding present type, the truly excited and wanting to unwrap everyone’s for them type. Our family had a great time.

The hardest thing about the growing process is the growing pains for the parents. Nick and I found ourselves in tears of happiness and sadness. When things are changing, you notice the impact that the little person has had on your life. We are overjoyed to see this development and truly grateful. We are also a little sad…

Santa Claus

We took Little Bug on the local Santa Train, thinking that this would be a better way for him to meet Santa. While he didn’t cry or yell, he did banish Santa to the other side of the train. Santa was permitted to sit next to him briefly for a picture- a very tense picture in which Little Bug appears to be attempting to will Santa to move with his glare of doom.


That night, Little Bug decided he wanted to write Santa a note. He first had to scour the magazines in the house for the picture of the toy he wanted. Then he taped it to a piece of paper and wrote his name at the bottom. Yep, wrote his name. Not necessarily in a linear fashion, but all 6 letters are there clear as day.

Next, he instructed me to write the letter. I started with Dear Santa-, however Little Bug felt that we should address him by his first and last name. So, we wrote Dear Santa Claus. Next, Little Bug instructed me to write “I want Hiro and Sodor Steamworks.” This was to be followed by “PSTUV” and then signed by Daddy Nick and Daddy Blake. Little Bug then took over the letter and drew a picture. When asked what the picture and PSTUV where for, he replied, “A supise for my daddies!”

It's holiday time again...

And this year is going to be fun. Little Bug has decided that he believes in Santa.  This is huge.  He is willing to accept the reality of an idea.  Don't get him wrong- he isn't going to sit with him or hug him, but he will write him a letter or talk to him.  Whenever Little Bug sees his dream toy, he says, "I'ma talk to Santa.". 

Last year, the Christmas tree had to be tied to the wall and we had to fight Little Bug away from the light.  This year, he has embraced it.  Literally.  When we put the tree up, he walked over to it and put his arms around it. "I love you fee."  He gave it a hug and a kiss.  He decorated it with fervor- directing where all the ornaments should go and what colors can be next to each other.  The bottom half of our tree is regemented- same shapes with same shapes and same colors with same colors. 

Little Bug has also decided that messy crafts are okay.  He is able to tolerate paint on his hands as well as glitter, flour, sugar, and dirt.  He still has a hard time with sticky stuff, but we have been able to do a ton of crafts.  He has made four different kinds of ornaments, felt presents, and a paper chain for Christmas. 

Nick and I are so excited.  Its like a brand new experience.  Last year was a bit hellish at times- he couldn't tolerate the family events and we didn't get to see many of our friends.  This year is turning out different.  He did amazing at a small Thanksgiving- he only needed 3 breaks in 4 hours.  He was able to play with J and E this weekend for about 5 hours and only needed about 6 breaks.  What's more exciting is that this year, he understands and is excited.  Last year, there wasn't any understanding or excitement.

Want Potty Feet Pease!

Little Bug had a huge break through this weekend- voluntarily putting on his Thomas the Tank Engine costume in order to go trick or treating. We tried asking him and that didn’t go well. Nick and I had already decided we weren’t going to make it an issue, because at that point, it would be for us and not him.

Well, it took 3 trick-or-treaters before he changed his mind. You could see his little brain turning it over again and again- ridiculous outfits and saying tick or feet gets me candy… I can do that. As soon as he broke this down, he grabbed his costume and but bolted out the door.

We had a great time doing this. He went up to the doors on his own free will. He knocked on the door and, at first said, “TICK OR FEET PEASE!” Gradually, he forgot that you should say trick or treat and began to say, “Want potty feet pease!” Some people wanted to know what the heck he was asking for while others just laughed hysterically and gave him huge handfuls of candy for being cute.

Nick and I had a great time. It was amazing to see him do this. We felt lucky because we were able to witness a huge milestone for our child. Something we weren’t sure would ever happen. Something that we gave up. We are so grateful for this. We are given opportunities to appreciate milestones and events that everyone assumes will always happen.

General Chaos

This is my new nickname for Little Bug and how things have been recently. On Thursday, we had to take Little Bug to the Urgent Care because he had a fever and a horrible cough that started on Tuesday. Friday and Saturday were much worse for him- he started to not eat and say that it hurt to drink. Luckily, he is much better and able to go back to school.

Starting last Sunday, Little Bug has begun waking up at 4 or so every morning. Yesterday he woke up at 3:30. As he doesn’t take naps- of his own volition- we have tried having him go to bed earlier- which only results in waking up earlier.

The bright side of this chaos is that he has some wonderful emerging skills. He has learned two new games- “I am…” and “I see…” “I see” is the same as I Spy. “I am” involves picking an animal and either acting it out or telling some details about it. He has become very good at pretending through this game and has begun to do it independently. He will stand on the couch and flap his arms and say, “I am a bird!” He will hop on all fours and say, “I am a frog.”

He also demonstrated the concept of wanting- something besides food, water, etc. While this sounds like an annoying thing- the beginning of the I want monster even- it is cool to watch him understand that people have wants besides needs. He doesn’t say “I want (insert toy)” like most kids his age without seeing the toy or touching it. All three year olds who I know immediately begin asking for a toy when they see a commercial or activity in a show. Maybe Little Bug is delayed because we don’t have TV, but I doubt that. He has plenty of advertising aimed at him. Just look at the inserts they put in DVDs for children- stocked full of toys, books, games, etc.

He was watching the new Thomas movie, which now includes commercials for toys at the beginning, which I hate, but I digress. He began to flap and jump when he saw the Spin and Fix Thomas. Well, Little Bug wasn’t done with just wanting. He looked at me and said, “I want that toy. Santa bing it for me on Pissmas.” Not only has he demonstrated an understanding of want, but an understanding of a concept- like Christmas and Santa. I guess we all know what Santa is bringing him on Pissmas.

On Sunday, we carved pumpkins. He did a great job of touching the nasty, stringy gunk in the middle- I think my sensory issues with that showed more than his did. He loved getting to say whether the faces were happy faces or scary faces. That he was willing to allow us to carve the pumpkins at all was huge. Last year, when we attempted to carve pumpkins he lost it. He didn't want the pumpkins to change- they had to stay just the way they were.

On Monday, he asked to sit on the potty. We were excited because he fell off the wagon at home since he has started going to the bathroom on the potty at school. Well, he not only sat on the potty, but he pooped on the potty. While Nick and I were totally surprised, he seemed absolutely shocked. He stood up and pointed at the toilet,yelling, “POOOPPPP!!!”

All in all a chaotic and amazing week.

Ah, vacation!

I am on my first vacation that doesn't involve major medical emergency in three years. It started off perfectly- with a ton of snow. Tacoma had a foot of snow by the time it was done and it was beautiful. Little Bug had so much fun playing in it. We did that at least twice everyday.

Our vacation continues by coming down to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Little Bug is so happy here- he didn't take as long to warm up to them this time and asks for them now. "Apa? Ama?", where the first things out of his mouth this morning.

We had family Christmas last night and Little Bug actually opened some presents. We only had to go on two walks to help him deal with the stress of all the people. We are really proud of him- he only had two minor meltdowns and he was able to tell us that he needed a break.

Being that today is Christmas, Nick and I are exhausted as we stayed up until midnight building the Thomas the Tank Engine shed and track set that Little Bug got for Christmas. Of course, Little Bug woke up at 5 and we had to restrain him until 630. When he finally came downstairs, he saw it and said, "Wow....."

We haven't talked to him since. We might talk to him soon, but for now, we are going to let the perservations and the good times roll. Wow indeed.

You're the devil in disguise

Little Bug often lives up to this with his therapists. We will tell them that he has problems dressing, biting, and with sharing and yet with them, he is fine. They have said that usually kids go through a honeymoon period with their therapists. As a parent, this is frustrating as all hell because you know that your kid is having a hard time with something and yet when help shows up, not a problem. When they leave, suddenly shoes and socks become an issue and giving a cat a bath would be easier than Little Bug. These are the times that you think things like Why can't he just put on his damn shoes and then instantly feel like a bad parent.

We discussed it with them in depth as we feel like they aren't able to maximize their time with him as he doesn't have the really bad outbursts that he has with us. Their solution was somewhat surprising- tape it and like a football coach, they will go through play by play and tell us how we can improve what we are doing for Little Bug. Not 24 hours after our discussion, we have three tapes- getting socks on, getting boots on, and putting on a coat. I imagine to the neighbors instead of doing those activities, it sounded as though he was being tortured or murdered or both. Nope, just getting dressed folks- nothin' to see- move along.

(Miss Cleo moment- I am seeing a *huge* change in topics and a slight chance of foul language.) Does anyone have a family member- or several- who just don't get it? They don't get why your kid can't just eat dinner or can't just put on their damn shoes or any other thousand examples. This has become a huge problem for Nick and I and his parents. Nick's step dad's family always gets together the weekend before Christmas. Unfortunately, this involves 30+ people in one house. Little Bug has a hard time visiting our friends who have 6 in their family. Neither Nick or I can attend because we both work.

We have tried explaining that new situations are extremely hard for him and that we aren't able to just go do things on a whim. We have to prepare and explain and have pictures in order to talk up a situation in order to minimize the meltdown- notice I didn't say avoid. Of course, since it is the holidays and apparently you must do all the holiday traditions you can think of in the shortest amount of time in order to be a good person, Nick's family has forgotten this and everything we have told them about Lennon.

His mom called and wanted to know if we would let them take him to this party! (excuse me as I roll around on the floor laughing and then wiping the tears from my eyes) NO!- that is the answer. Can you imagine giving your mostly non verbal toddler to people he doesn't see that often knowing that he will be taken to meet over 30 people he has never seen before and be expected to open presents without the two people he depends on most in the world? NO! That would be hard for any child- typical or not.

Now, excuse the hell out of me, but I am so tired of explaining the same damn things over and over again. It reminds me of what my parents used to tell me- The answer hasn't changed since the last time you asked this question, which by the way was 5 minutes ago. If you ask again, the answer will still be the same, but you will be grounded. SON OF A BITCH, this is frustrating.

I put myself in their shoes and I can empathize- they have dreams for what they would experience as grandparents. They would see their grandchildren anytime they wanted and be able to flit off on a whim for any number of fun activities. They would be able to do all the traditions they had when they were little kids and show their grandchildren what was important to them.

Well, you know what, we had dreams too. Dreams that didn't involve therapies 4 times a week and then follow up 7 days a week. They didn't involve picture schedules or having every minute of every day mapped out. They didn't involve sensory issues or regression. They didn't involve staying up at night gripped with fear because you don't know how you will pay for the therapy your kid needs.

But you know what, the old dreams are gone and it is time to make new ones. This happens for all parents regardless of whether your child has special needs or not- you want them to be good at sports and they aren't. You dreamt that they would be a Christian and they decided nope, not for them. We have to move on and adapt. By trying to adapt your children or grandchildren to fit your dreams, you are creating misery for everyone involved.

Autism and the Holidays

So this post is by no means a suggestion for what you should do for your holidays- just our master plan. For holidays in general, we try to keep it short and sweet. If we go somewhere, 3 hours is the limit as Little Bug quickly gets overstimulated. We have told our family about his ASD and also tried to educate about ways to help him. We also try to teach them signs that are appropriate to the activity while we are there so that they can make a connection. Specific to Christmas, we try to keep the decorations to a minimum. Little Bug loves them, maybe a little too much.

When it comes to presents, we let people know that he's not really interested in the idea of opening things (for himself, those under the tree that aren't supervised are fascinating to him. Last year, I wrapped the same present for Nick 15 times. Little Bug didn't open a single present for himself last year). He just doesn't get it. In our experience with him, he would be happy to carry around the wrapped box without ever opening it to discover what is inside. He tried to do that with one of his birthday presents this year and became upset when we ruined it by opening it. We have told family that we won't force him to open things. They are welcome to open things for him or even have their gifts unwrapped and just there to peak his curiosity.

It sounds silly, but I think we put so much effort and want into making a "perfect" holiday for our kids that sometimes we lose perspective. We forget that the stereotypical family around a tree opening presents in pajamas for an hour isn't a reality for most little kids and usually just not an option for kids with ASD. There is too much going on- lights flickering on the tree, people talking over each other, smells of lunch or dinner cooking, and often times strange places- that causes some kids to just want to escape.

We also try to be flexible and create back up plans. We are going to Grandma and Grandpa's for Christmas and are making sure to have distractions as well as rewards ready. It doesn't have to be complicated- we are bringing Signing Time, the stroller- to go on MOOO walks, and a few reward toys to help Little Bug deal with changes.

We also try to be flexible about the demands we put on him. While we know his therapy and at home follow up is important, so is perspective. One day of not working on certain things will not derail everything and may be needed. Imagine being so overwhelmed you need to bite yourself, hit your head on the floor and scream. Then imagine being told that you need to look people in the eye and try to talk. You can't and because you are independent you would shelter yourself from it by leaving or telling people no or simply shutting down. We do those things for him.

I look at our dreams and expectations and will be honest- this wasn't it. But, it is so much better than I imagined because he has a voice and place and is respected and we are learning more about him and each other every day. Our holidays may never be typical and we may never see him do other things that other people can do. We may always have to have game plans and escape routes and alternate endings. I realize that I have to be okay with this as I cannot control it or change it. I realize that I have been given a gift- our son.

Christmas Trees

They are maddening- not them themselves, but Little Bug's reaction. He likes to lay under the tree and flap because of the way the lights look when you move your hands really, really fast in front of your eyes. Which is kinda cute until he sticks his legs into the middle of the tree and gets stuck- then not so funny anymore.

We put it up yesterday and spent most of the day saying one of the following phrases:

• Christmas lights aren't for eating- for looking
• Don't put your eye on the Christmas tree
• Don't chew the ornaments
• Please get your legs out from inside the tree.

These all sound like minor things, but at times it does get maddening. We replaced all our ornaments with shatter proof ones so that he can't hurt himself. We have tethered the tree to the wall and minimized the number of ornaments. Hopefully, he will get used to the newness of this. Last year, he didn't do much of the flapping and didn't really bother the ornaments- he would just stand in front of the lights and look out of the corner of his eye at them.

We went to Zoo Lights and he has such a great time. They now have a shark exhibit and he loved it! We sat by the sharks for about 45 minutes or so and then saw the fish for about 30 minutes.

Moooooo!!!!!

That is what Little Bug calls the moon and Christmas lights. He has been going to the door every night the week signing MOON and WALK and then yelling MOO! He loves night walks. We bust out the mittens, hats and scarves, grab the flashlight and take the dog. We have a mission- to find different Christmas light displays every night. We wander around the neighborhood and look at the lights. Little Bug tells me the colors- some in sign and some in word approximations- and I am happy to just listen. I relish this time and the words he has and I am incredibly thankful for them.

Although he can't tell us much, what he can say is fascinating to me because of the logic behind it. For example, he uses MOON and WALK even though he knows night. He signs SPIDER and says BAA-AAA! If we tell him it is time to be quiet and go to sleep, he stops talking; instead he simply signs away in subversive protest. His logic astounds me and makes me crave knowing more.

On a much different topic, Little Bug will run out of therapy coverage by insurance after 4 months as our policy, which does include a neuro-developmental clause, only allows for 36 specialty appointments. Nick and I have thought of many options, some include asking for an Independent Medical Review, get training from his current therapists in order to do it ourselves, and not seriously but as a desperate idea- moving. That last thought made me want to know if there was a way of knowing what you are getting into in terms of ASD care before moving. I provided the legislative link yesterday and today i wanted to provide another. It is the Easter Seals Autism State Profile page-

http://www.easterseals.com/site/PageServer?pagename=ntlc8_autism_state_profiles

Hopefully, if you really are going to move, this will help you.

Thanksgiving

One of my favorites lines from Shrek the Halls is- "Momma always says Christmas ain't Christmas til somebody cries." For our family, you can delete Christmas and insert just about any family function where we all get together. Yesterday, we went to our grandparent's house and had a blast. It took Little Bug a little bit to get warmed up as there was a new person there and it always does regardless of the circumstances.

I am thankful for Grandma and Grandpa and all that they have given us- support, love, laughter, and sometimes, a good kick in the ass when it's needed. They truly are the kind of people who would never turn you down when you are really in need.

Then we went to Nick's parents' house. It was interesting- there was gender bias, unabashed teasing, and some accidental violence- talk about a hoot and holler. Its easier to logically break this down into- SPECTACULAR, GOOD, BAD, UGLY.

SPECTACULAR- Little Bug did great yesterday! He only had a few minor skirmishes with other kids- very typical skirmishes. He did a great job of finding a way to calm himself down when he was upset- by going to the toy room and lining up the cars on the garage. He is doing a great job of self regulating. He also said three new words- HOUSE, LIES, and HOSE.

GOOD- We all managed to be in the same house without any serious fights for 3 hours. That may sound sad, but its true and the way life works out.

BAD- The cousins showed up with bacterial pneumonia and didn't bother to tell us. This is something that we have struggled with Nick's family for all of Little Bug's life. We have consistently been lied to about illnesses etc.

THE UGLY- Although no one intentionally went out of their way this year to call me Little Bug's mom over and over, they did feel the need to not acknowledge me as an Uncle- only as Blake- and to call me she several times. This gets old as it is really passive aggressively done. They will do this to me and then wait for me to get upset and leave the room and apologize to Nick.

Little Bug had a horrible time on the way home- it was too many people and too much going on. He started biting himself while we were there and that only got worse once we were leaving.

The hardest part of yesterday was when one of the cousins began to yell at Little Bug, "What's wrong with you?? Why can't you talk?? Do you talk? What's wrong with you?" over and over again. I tried to explained that Little Bug doesn't speak like other kids, but he can communicate with his hands and a few words. But was overrun by others who thought it would be better to not talk about that and simply say Little Bug can talk some. This is going to end well.

Oh- I forgot to explain the accidental violence. Little Bug was sitting in the back seat with the left overs that we we taking home and decided he wanted to eat 3 dinner rolls. Fine with me- in fact, I celebrate when he eats. I grabbed the container to get them for him and accidentally hit Nick in the back of the head. I got the dinner rolls out and then when putting the container back, hit Nick in the face with the container. Nick was a good sport and didn't get mad- he even laughed.

All in all, we are pretty lucky. We got to see Grandma and Grandpa even if only for a few hours. Little Bug not only didn't hurt any of the children, but he actually played with them and had a decent time. Nick and I were able to laugh together and at each other. Little Bug ate lots of food. We have a lot to be thankful for.

Weekend Review

Halloween was interesting- it was like herding cats. I will have to post pictures. Little Bug had an okay time. He really liked the candy aspect of it. He readily signed CANDY PLEASE at every store. He did not like the costume aspect- he cried and cried and cried over his costume. Once he saw other kids in theirs, he became distracted, but was unhappy with it until that point. He also had a hard time with the process of trick or treating. We went to the Proctor District and you stand in a HUGE line as trick or treat. This meant that there was someone bumping him or touching him or getting to close and he would get upset. He did pretty well with handling it and only bit himself a few times.

He had therapy yesterday and it went okay. He is starting to exhibit the behaviors that he has at home at therapy. This is going to sound mean, but it is good to see for two reasons. One, this confirms my suspicion that we aren’t bad parents. Two, this allows us to address the issues, rather than simply reporting them and getting ideas. His aggression is getting worse- he bit me a couple of times, Frank got hurt, he bit himself, and hit his therapist in the face, so we are to begin ABC charts- antecedent, behavior, consequence- to see if we can’t nail down what the behavior means and give him a better way of expressing it.

This brings me to my last thought- the holidays. They are fast approaching. They make me nervous. I am concerned for Little Bug and how he will do with DN’s family. I am also concerned with how Little Bug’s cousins will fare as he gets aggressive during play. DN and I had some conversations around this and came up with a strategy. No more than 3 hours at DN’s parent’s house. There will be extra people- including kids there- and it will be stressful for everyone. We will leave when Little Bug is ready to leave if it is before the 3 hour mark. If he gets aggressive or is having a hard time, we will go. We are also going to bring special food for Little Bug as you never know what he will eat. It’s not that he passionately loves things and then one day hates them. It’s more that he is random about what he will eat and we have to make several dinners.