Not sure what to call this

Little Bug goes to a special education program for 3 to 4 year olds that includes peer models. The peer models are usually chosen by the teacher based on their ability to fit into the program and the classroom dynamics. In Little Bug’s class, there is a peer model causing some trouble. This boy is incredibly assertive and Little Bug can’t let things go when someone does something to upset him. They have been in two fights- actual rolling across the playground and class room fights. Little Bug has come home with marks on him from these fights. The teacher insists that Little Bug isn’t starting this and is defending himself.

We are trying to work on this with Little Bug. We talk about how people can have accidents and how we should respond. We also talk about how we can use words in order to get help. Recently, Little Bug has been in quite a mood whenever he gets home from school. With him, it is incredibly difficult to get information in a linear fashion. He still can’t consistently answer who, what, and where questions. Often times, he comes home to tell us that he hurt someone at school. We have called the school and they have confirmed that while there have been altercations; Little Bug is merely defending himself.

Yesterday, we finally got some information from him. He looked at Nick and said, “You aren’t my friend- you weird!” A light bulb went off. After asking him why he said that, he told us that a certain peer model calls him weird and that Little Bug isn’t his friend because he is weird. Apparently, this peer model also says this to a couple of non verbal children in Little Bug’s class. Little Bug talked about how sad and mad this made him. How when this peer model says this, he hits him. (Thank goodness for honesty so we can address this). Little Bug says he doesn’t like school when this peer model is there.

On one side, this seems pretty normal for kids. Kids learn from these altercations and children this age have horrible impulse control. At the same time, this sounds targeted to the just a few children in Little Bug’s class. I am unsure whether I am over reacting and how far to stick my nose in. What kills me is that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore of Wednesday and Thursday. He *loves* school- to the point of being hysterical on Sunday morning because it isn’t Monday yet. This child has taken that away from him and made him feel anxious and unwanted repeatedly. What is the right way to handle this?

Aggression

Little Bug had a really hard day yesterday. It all started at about 6 AM. He wanted milk and signed it and then DN gave it to him. Suddenly, he was horribly upset. We still don’t know what caused it. Screaming and crying without warning and for no apparent cause. He eventually calmed down in time to take a bath- great, we thought. We can work through this. Together- as a team.

Anyone who is familiar with Little Bug knows that he has recently become more and more opposed to baths. They are horribly upsetting to him- especially washing his hair and drying off. We also must stick to a routine. Yesterday’s bath started off badly. He was upset that he had to his PJs off and then upset about the diaper. I am not sure what to call it, but I know temper tantrum isn’t right. So, I will call it a fit. In his fit- of rage, fear, too much sensory input…- he damaged the bathroom by pulling some of the shower wall material off the half wall.

After the bath, DN brought him out to the living room to get dressed- as per usual. The thing is, we forgot to put on a short show for him. Little Bug lost it. He was in almost hysterics. Finally, we left for school and he fell asleep.

His therapist A came over yesterday and I showed her the damage. Luckily our landlord is only pissed, but glad that we were honest. His therapist looked at his ABC charts- Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence- and decided that he needs a break in the afternoon. She also asked about speech therapy as she feels that a lot of his self injuring and violence is from frustration. Maybe I am being unfair, but I am not asking for a magic pill to erase this or some fish oil to cure him. I am looking for ways to help him. To. Keep. Him. Safe.

We have him on every waiting list we can find in both Pierce and King counties. We are doing all we can to get him sign language and have incorporated the PROMPT system into our home therapies. We are talking about a much loved little boy whose parents are trying to protect and care for and nurture. I had a friend reach out to one of their old therapists and she gave us some good ideas and offered to discuss this with her.

Cross your fingers as we trying everything we can right now for him.